Mother demands wealthy daughter give her access to her savings account for ‘family emergencies,’ daughter refuses, sparking accusations of selfishness

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 1, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Finances seem to be at least a bit of a problem for nearly everyone in the world right now. Regardless of financial bracket, if you're married, divorced, single, young, or old, with children, or without, everyone is talking about money. The cost of living has skyrocketed in ways no one in the 80s could imagine, while the economy was booming, and anyone could start their own business and be successful overnight. There are so many memes about how our parents could buy a house and boat in their 20s without college degrees, but for a lot of people in their 30s with a master's degree, we can barely afford dental care. 

This brings us to the Reddit thread. The story is about a mother and her daughter. The original poster (OP) is a 24-year-old who has saved a lot of money over the years, in hope of buying a house. She claims her parents were always good with money, but they've hit a wall recently, causing the mother to reach out and demand access to her daughter's savings.

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  • 01
    $ $ M $ $ ♡ $ But my mom insists it's not enough. She wants direct access to my savings account "just in case something big happens." I told her I wasn't comfortable with that since I've worked hard for this money and it's meant for my future. I also mentioned that I'd be happy to help if a real emergency comes up, but I'd prefer to manage it on my terms. ♡ $ ♡ $ M $ ♡ $ M $
    via Canva
  • 02
    r/AITAH⚫ 5 days ago ComprehensiveWin82 AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account even though she says it's for "family emergencies"?
    via u/ComprehensiveWin82

    These days, it's almost impossible to save up enough money for buying a house, let alone just affording health care. The economy has gotten so bad that even mothers are asking their daughters for access to their bank accounts! Can you even imagine the audacity? 

  • 03
    I (24F) have been working since | was 18 and have been diligently saving money. Over the years, I've built up a decent emergency fund and started putting money aside for a house. My parents have always known I'm good with money, but recently my mom (48F) has been pressuring me to give her access to my savings account.
    via u/ComprehensiveWin82

    The fact that OP has been working so hard to save up for this is even more of a slap in the face. 

  • 04
    She says it's because the family has had a lot of unexpected expenses lately, like car repairs and medical bills for my younger brother (15M). While I understand money is tight, I've always helped when I could. I've paid for groceries, contributed to household bills, and even helped cover my brother's school supplies.
    via u/ComprehensiveWin82
  • 05
    But my mom insists it's not enough. She wants direct access to my savings account "just in case something big happens." I told her I wasn't comfortable with that since I've worked hard for this money and it's meant for my future. I also mentioned that I'd be happy to help if a real emergency comes up, but I'd prefer to manage it on my terms.
    via u/ComprehensiveWin82
  • 06
    She got really upset, saying I don't trust her and that I'm being selfish. My dad has stayed out of it, but my older sister (26F) thinks I'm overreacting and should just let mom have access. She even said, "What's the point of saving if you're not going to help your family?"
    via u/ComprehensiveWin82
  • 07
    Now, I'm feeling torn. On one hand, I want to help my family, but on the other, I don't think it's fair for me to hand over control of my hard-earned money. AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account?
    via u/ComprehensiveWin82

    She can do whatever she wants with her money, even if it means not allowing family to have access to her accounts. 

  • 08
    Short Bus8309 • 5d ago • NTA. Don't do it, they will drain that account, it is not normal to request access to someone's bank account.
    via u/Short Bus8309
  • 09
    792bookcellar • 5d ago. I would highly recommend you do NOT share your account information, not even your balance. You are saving so you can move out. You should only be paying the bills you are required to pay for living in the house.
    via u/792bookcellar
  • 10
    You should also get a credit check to make sure you don't have any other open accounts you are not aware of.
    via u/792bookcellar
  • 11
    busyshrew 5d ago • NTA. As the mom of a young adult woman, I can firmly tell you, your mother's demand is wrong, and it is NOT usual nor normal.
    via u/busyshrew
  • 12
    Your sister is throwing you under the rug because either she doesn't have money and wants yours as well, or she would rather see your mom steal your money, rather than hers.
    via u/busyshrew
  • 13
    Ignore them both. If your mom keeps pestering you, I would suggest to go no or low contact for a while.
    via u/busyshrew
  • 14
    And, most important, lock up your credit and identity information to prevent id theft from your mom. She's signaling pretty strong intent to get your money somehow.
    via u/busyshrew
  • 15
    • plantprinses ⚫ 5d ago • The point of savings is that the saver can use it for down payment for a house, unexpected medical expenses, a car that needs to be replaced, that kind of thing. These are your savings. If your mother wants money, let her save money herself. If
    via u/plantprinses
  • 16
    you give her access, she will claim than anything and everything is an emergency, including emergencies that she is able to pay for herself. DO NOT GIVE HER ACCESS. It has nothing to do with being selfish: you worked for this. Your mother and sister are the selfish ones, because
    via u/plantprinses
  • 17
    they want to use money they didn't help you to get. If your family claims it needs help, you yourself can decide whether a) it really is an emergency and b) whether it is reasonable that you pay partly. Your parents should not depend on your money:
    via u/plantprinses
  • 18
    they should be able to support themselves and if not, they should look into getting a job, another job, more hours, downsize or cut costs. The same applies to your leech of a sis.
    via u/plantprinses

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